You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
