Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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