I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
