I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
