3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
