the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
