Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
