wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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