We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
