I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
