I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
