To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
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