my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
