I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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