dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize