He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
40s are totally the cure
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
