please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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