ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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