she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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