the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Randomize