my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
