im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we're making bets on your personal life
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize