1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
