Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
