nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
