I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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