And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
jump out the window naked night went bad
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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