oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
