dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
