you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
