if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
