I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
