Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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