it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
