I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
