oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
