remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
