it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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