she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
