I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
sarcasm needs its own font
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
