I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
