Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
