i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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