I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
