i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
