so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
