I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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