yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
