You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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