New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
