I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
accomplished twins. life is a go
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize