the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
