You made me cry and you don't even care
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
