I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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