New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can you bring me the toilet please
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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