I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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