I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
