A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
