i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think my vagina is haunted
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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