Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
