Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
