Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
