A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
