Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
