brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
