My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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