she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
