Sry I called you an 8
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
