Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
