I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
