this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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