Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
