I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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