told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
