Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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