If that was your dad, he is hot
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
