so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i think i just lost a toe
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
