like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
