You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
